Ravi Shastri fails Turing Test

In an unprecedented event, cricket commentator Ravi Shastri has become the first ever human to fail (a modified version of) the Turing Test. This indicates that while some extremely intelligent machines can (and do) exhibit human-like behaviour, the reverse is also possible i.e an extremely dull-headed human being can behave like a machine.

In an remote experiment conducted by a research group at Columbia University, Ravi Shastri was subjected to a modified Turing Test. The experiment involved respondents listening to cricket commentary on matches right from when 1995 (when Shastri first started commentating), to the current India-New Zealand series. 99.74% of respondents asserted that they were "absolutely sure" that the commentary was a computer-generated sound clip and not a human commentator. Of the remaining respondents, 0.25% said that they were able to "guess" that it was a human, but could not be absolutely certain. The rest of the respondents, said that they "knew it was their favourite Ravi Shastri" and even tried to slip in a few words of praise on the feedback form. These repondents were classified as retarded. After filtering out these useless data, the research group chose to publish its findings in what is now being hailed as a pathbreaking paper.

The research was funded by Channel Nine of Australia and co-funded by Shastri's former employers ESPN-Star. "We chose Ravi Shastri for this experiment because it required a subject with incredibly low levels of cranial matter", said a spokesperson. Other contenders were Arun Lal and Rameez Raja. "But Shastri won hands down as the subject of choice", said a beaming member of the research group. Ravi Shastri is now being contacted by a research group focussing on voice production from computers. A representative said, "As an extremely dull human being producing repetitive commentary of the highest quality, Mr. Shastri's services would be invaluable to us. As computer scientists focussing on developing computer systems simulating verbal production, we are intrigued at his ability to produce non-stop cliches and catch-phrases with such low intelligence levels".

When contacted by news agencies, Ravi Shastri issued this written statement:

"I just get the feeling that this is just what the doctor ordered. This will do my confidence a world of good. Make no mistake, I'm a tall man and I can hit the ball like a tracer bullet and the fielder can chase it till the ball wins the race, but this achievement will do me no harm whatsoever - it doesn't matter how they come as long as they come. For now I can be rest assured that my post-commentary career will take the aerial route."

(Related side note: This written statement also failed the aforementioned Turing Test)